One of the short stories in my new, darkly comedic book, Death Bound: Life Support Edition, is called 20/20 Vision.
20/20 Vision is a story about a halfwit pothead who misunderstands and believes he has special powers after his eye doctor tells him he has great vision.
When the eye guy said I have 20/20 vision, I said, “Duuude, that means I’m, like, top of my class, riiight? Like, I see better than, um, the other 19 dumbasses?”
He opened his mouth to answer, prob’ly to agree, but then closed it ‘cause it was obvious I was right.
He’s a smart guy.
Really, though, ‘cause I’m keepin’ it totally one hundred with you, I always said I was special. But, you know, this is the proof for everyone else. Now the world’s gonna know I have powers. Bru, I damn near have X-ray vision, like Superman.
For realz tho, I see all types of shiznit. Unibrows, pimples, food between teeth, which, btw, is why I refuse to crush on Stacy Peppercorn, because— cheerleader or not— she ain’t perfect. She has all the above, plus dirty cubicles.
I’m not a clean freak, I jus’ think if you see it, then others can see it, and if others can see it then maybe you should do somethin’ about it. Otherwise, you deserrrve to have them talkin’ shit about you behind your back. Which, is also why I don’t feel guilty for talkin’ shit about her.
Well, that and the fact that when I tried to use my powers for, like, the greater good or somethin’, she went total diva on me. No lie.
Read Death Bound: Life Support Edition to finish this story.